Tuesday, April 26, 2011
So Lent is over and Jesus has risen from the dead. As He has risen, there’s a certain joy in the air. We as Christians are blessed to re-live these days every year because it reminds us what was given to us. The sacrifice that Jesus made for all of us in order to show us true love.
I was able to spend Holy Week at home working at a local parish near where I live. The trip taught me a lot in so many different ways. I learned a lot about Liturgy and the importance of catering it to the community (when possible). I wanted to speak to my Pastor regarding my discernment process but I never got the chance because we were all super busy. The day that I had off, well, he did too.
Now that I’m back in Oregon, I have 2 more weeks left. I think next Tuesday is our last day of classes, Wednesday and Thursday and finals, Friday is moving day (for everyone who is moving rooms) and Saturday is graduation. After Graduation we’re officially on summer break until August. I know I told everyone that I would post my decision whether or not I would be leaving the Seminary after Easter but I am waiting until my next journal.
This year has been one of my best years. There have been many ups and downs but I know that I’ve grown as a person. I’ve grown intellectually, I’ve grown spiritually and I’ve grown into deeper love for God. Granted, I still have my faults; I still can be immature and over react, but I know that I am a way better person now than I’ve ever been. And I will continue to grow no matter what road I take because I feel that I have learned how to ask myself questions and how to reflect on things in a way that will help me get out of those sticky situations that life can throw at us. Above all, I know God loves me and that He is always with me, especially when I’m down. There’s nothing we could ever do, that will make Him love us less.
God bless and I miss you all.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Haha i use to say Asta Pasta instead of "goodbye" or "later"..
I love having a chat with my Spiritual Director because he helps me say what I really mean. I’m pretty good at expressing myself but he just makes it so much clearer. I told him that I will be disconnecting from the outside world for the next two weeks and he really liked the idea and the reasons behind them. He felt it very appropriate and was kind of impressed I guess. He also told me that regardless of the reasons why I leave, God will always love me and bless my decisions (being that they’re good ones). That gave me some peace of mind knowing that I’ll always be loved. He also gave me some spiritual exercises and taught me how to ask the Holy Spirit to bless my future plans. I really am at peace with leaving the seminary and I feel that I’ve thought about it a lot and have come to my decision with my heart and mind. Now its time to ask for God’s blessing.
I’m also going to try to let go of all the feelings I have in my heart regarding leaving the seminary for these two weeks. I am going to focus on doing what I have to do. I was just assigned to be the lead coordinator of a College 1 outing and also a video project for the retiring faculty/staff members. So I’ll be pretty busy doing that along with everything else going on up here. I’m asking God to bless my new direction that I want to take but I’m also asking Him to redirect me if He wants me to stay.
The beauty of this is at the end of Easter, I am going to decide whether I stay or go. Once I make that firm decision, I will be at peace with myself and I will have one less thing to worry about. If I stay then I will be confident that God wants me here and I will be amazed by what I had to give up. Few people know about that. And if I choose to leave, it will give me enough time to say my goodbyes and prepare myself for the next chapter in my life. I’m not going to post anything for the next few weeks so till next time, YOU are loved and even though I haven’t talked to you in a while, you’re amazing just the way you are!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Two week ago, I was already counting the days until I returned home. One of my brothers here on the hill named Art reminded me not to count the days, but make them count. I was so stuck on going home along with other feelings of emptiness that I began to get lazy in the classroom; my prayer life was suffering, sadly, I was sick and I didn’t go to prayer, Mass, or class; everything was just going down the drain for a good week or so.
There’s a Greek word Metanoia and when I first learned the meaning, it captivated me. From my understanding, it means to see with new eyes or to change ones mind. I don’t know Greek but as far as I know that’s pretty accurate. The idea is to look at things differently in order to understand. Maybe I really needed this time to see everything with new eyes. After all, if this is God’s will, then I will somehow find the way.
As far as I know and according to how I feel, I still am looking towards taking that 2 year Leave of Absence and finishing up my BA outside the seminary. But as Jesus was in the desert for 40 days, I feel that I am going through my desert and how else can I get out of it then by trusting in the Lord and committing myself to him entirely asking him to guide me. On that note, starting April 10th, I will be disconnecting from the outside world until Easter Sunday (April 24th) in order to really focus on prayer, Mass, class and community life here on the hilltop. I have faith in Jesus and if nothing changes, then I will know my place is within the married life, hopefully as a Religious Ed/Philosophy teacher. By allowing myself to be guided by the Holy Spirit, I might also see things with new eyes and if I do, I hope I have the strength to fallow His light. Thank you all and God bless! Much love always!