8/20/11 Year Two: Going back to the Seminary

8/20/11

So big surprise, I am home and ready to go back to Mt. Angel. I know I haven’t written in over a month so I am a bit behind but it has been such a crazy journey, I really had to step back and analyze everything in order to really put it all together.

School was turning out well until I realized I was not going to get the private student loan until the end of September. That wouldn’t have been too bad if my job would have given me the 40 hours a week they said they would. They changed their mind and said they would "eventually" give me the 40 hrs/week. Not only that, it was costing me $14/day just to get up and back from work. So most of my check went to traveling expenses.

Spiritually I also realized a lot about myself and what I truly am being called to.

1: I kept praying that God would open doors for me and well, I noticed that I was clearly looking for the wrong doors. Haha more about this to come.

2: I was laying in my bed one night and I kinda realized that the person I am would really fit the life of a person who gives their lives to a ministry such as the priesthood. As if I was made for more then just being a teacher/parent.Of course i have to mature a lot. but that's normal.

3: Even while I was in NY, I noticed that most of the time when I went to church, I could see myself as the priest behind the altar. I brushed it off the first couple of times this happened but I couldn’t ignore it after a while because I felt at peace every time.

And lastly, when I told Fr. John (my vocations director) about all of this, he offered to get me back into the seminary and pay for my flight back to California. I had to literally say that I wanted to return though. He makes us express ourselves accurately which is good because it helps us learn to express our spirituality. So I felt like Jonah wanting to escape God’s call only to be dragged back to where God wanted him. Haha.

NYC is amazing and I miss it already. I loved every moment of my time out there. From seeing an actual flash mob to walking the Brooklyn bridge. Running in Central Park to traveling 2 hours (4 round trip) to work 3 times a week. Even the trash can full of maggots that we found in our apartment. Teri told me to find those moments that we will hang on to for the rest of our lives and I did. I have enough memories to last me a lifetime.

NYC helped me understand God’s call for me and accept it at a deeper level. Last year I wanted to leave because I wanted to get married and be a teacher. Of course I would still love to get married. That feeling might  not change for a while; however I understand what God wants of me now and I know the sacrifice that every priest has to make. And I accept this for “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed”.